Madness Hides Sadness.

I needed more space to breathe
so i am pushing the earth down

i needed more food to eat
so i am photocopying my food now

i needed more stars to stare at
so i am multiplying them with two

i needed more rain to get drenched everyday
so i am ordering a lifetime supply of rain clouds

i needed flowers, loads of them to drown in their fragrance
so i am planting a garden in my fish tank

i needed music to intoxicate my head
so i am hiring an opera singer to sing at my funeral

I don't exist...

I don't exist
i'm just a fragment of your imagination
i don't exist
it was a delusion that kept me alive for so long
but it was just a matter of time
before the mist uplifted
and left no traces
i don't exist
i was the non-existent breeze in a humid day
i was the non-existent sun in the starry night
i was the non-existent water in drought
i don't exist
i was merely a trick of time
i was the non-existent shadow in darkness
i was the gamble that never paid-off
i am those people who never showed up
i am those wishes that never fulfilled
i am those dreams that never came true
i don't exist

05th November 2011

i can actually see the clouds moving, heading towards their unknown destiny. going somewhere and not knowing where. i know how it feels like as i too am moving don't know if i am moving forward or backwards. i've been this way for years now. don't know what it is. i guess i am just wired wrong. i feel the urge to shout at everyone. i feel angry at everyone. wish i knew why. someone actually said something like this to my boss"what has happened to irfan, he has been acting like a angry young man, and i feel scared". when i heard that i was like what? that is so not true . but then i thought about it and it makes me angrier that i am becoming a crackpot who knows nothing except shouting at people so, since then i am trying to be calm which makes me angrier and sad but at least i am not shouting anymore, i stopped arguing as well. i've accepted the fact that i am a misfit so i should let it be. let the world live their way. don't ask don't argue, just obey, just listen and tell them that they are right. just don't listen to what your head is telling you. i actually told my head that i am not going to answer anyone so deal with it :P. btw i've started reading this book called "the piture of dorian grey" and its gooooddd.Eid holidays are starting from tomorrow i kinda wanted it.

Insano Ki Basti..

Insano ki basti main yeh kaisa shor sharaba hai
lutey huey kuch log kharey hain
katey pitey kuch jism parey hain
sanatey ki good main jaisey aah o fugan si barpa hai
insano ki basti main yeh kaisa shor sharaba hai
Kuch lashey chotey bachon kay
kuch siskian unki maoon ki
kuch shaanain chaand buzurgon ki
kuch azmatain dars gahon ki
Khoos o kaza ki mang main jaisey rang khiza ka dala hai
Insano ki basti main yeh kasia shor sharaba hai.

Akela Hun.

Bistar-e-Marg pay leta hun
Akela hun.
Subhe wisal say guzra hun
Akela hun.
Khawab daikhey they mainey pholon kay
Ajj sehra main betha hun
Akela hun.
Shab-e-Firaq ki umeed ki thi mainey bhi
Ab is zindan main betha hun
Akela hun.
Zindagi daud rahi hai subha shamo main
Main inko jhel raha hun
Akela hun.
Faqat Aik khawab zinda hai inhi tareeq rahon ka
kay jis bhi raah jana ho wahan bhi main
Akel hun.

I Died Ages Baack....

Once again there i was, writing what was supposed to be my will....cautious i was scared i had been....determined i was ...not to break the laws....law of breach ...laws of obedience....laws of luck and laws of forgiveness ....i took my quill and cut my self ...now bleeding i was in self defense. i was writing now ...soon i found that the words were fading although i was using no ink then why were they fading i didnt stop but kept writing ...thinking at the back of my mind that what ever i would write will fade away. i stopped for a moment to scratch my nose and found the blood trickling i looked up and saw my reflection in the mirror that shows only dreams ....i hesitated for a moment then stood up to check if i was still alive or sleeping or was i already dead ...because i could not see my own image in the mirror ...but a blurred face ...a face of a person dead and still alive....i saw a storm coming from the north ....in the mirror i saw thunder and lightning ...the pictures in the mirror kept changing ...it was like i i was watching a movie ...scenes kept changing ...a boy sitting alone in the rain .....a girl sitting under the tree.....my cell rang and i came back to my senses ..i looked at the clock it was half past two...which meant i should have died by now....i took the quill again and started writing ...what seemed to be my 20th line though non of the lines were visible any more but i still knew i have wrote enough to die in piece...i kept writing ...and after what seemed like several hours my cell rang again ...i took the call this time it was somebody asking for someone i didnt knew ..i said wrong number and put the phone down....and i forgot what i was doing...i thought hard about what i was doing but my memory ..i could not remember what i was doing... tired i felt i went to the bed and rested my head on the pillow ...and died after few moments....