I Died Ages Baack....

Once again there i was, writing what was supposed to be my will....cautious i was scared i had been....determined i was ...not to break the laws....law of breach ...laws of obedience....laws of luck and laws of forgiveness ....i took my quill and cut my self ...now bleeding i was in self defense. i was writing now ...soon i found that the words were fading although i was using no ink then why were they fading i didnt stop but kept writing ...thinking at the back of my mind that what ever i would write will fade away. i stopped for a moment to scratch my nose and found the blood trickling i looked up and saw my reflection in the mirror that shows only dreams ....i hesitated for a moment then stood up to check if i was still alive or sleeping or was i already dead ...because i could not see my own image in the mirror ...but a blurred face ...a face of a person dead and still alive....i saw a storm coming from the north ....in the mirror i saw thunder and lightning ...the pictures in the mirror kept changing ...it was like i i was watching a movie ...scenes kept changing ...a boy sitting alone in the rain .....a girl sitting under the tree.....my cell rang and i came back to my senses ..i looked at the clock it was half past two...which meant i should have died by now....i took the quill again and started writing ...what seemed to be my 20th line though non of the lines were visible any more but i still knew i have wrote enough to die in piece...i kept writing ...and after what seemed like several hours my cell rang again ...i took the call this time it was somebody asking for someone i didnt knew ..i said wrong number and put the phone down....and i forgot what i was doing...i thought hard about what i was doing but my memory ..i could not remember what i was doing... tired i felt i went to the bed and rested my head on the pillow ...and died after few moments....

Living this lie

another night and the dreams i cant find ...my fears turned to tears there is love by my side ...she tries to reassure me tells me she adores me ..and i wonder if she knows me or the boy that has died ...its been too many games too many lies and the logical world will just criticize my way as the days go slipping by its not easy living this lie..

Mushkil hai...

Kanch pay chalkey dekha humney..
kanch pay chalna mushkil hai..

paar utar kay dekha humnay
aag ka dariya mushkil hai..

sath nibhaney kay wadey to karna hai asan..
sath nibha kay humney dekha ..
sath nibhana mushkil hai..

daant dapat kay apney dil rokna hai asan ..
dil ki humney sun kay dekha ...
dil ki sunna mushkil hai..

Qufl lagey un darwazon ko todna hai asan..
dastak day kay humney dekha ..
dastak dena mushkil hai..

Some Other Day...!!!!!

I will Write something
but some other day..

i will learn something
but some other day..

i will go some where
some where far from everything..
everything i have ..everything i had..
but some other day..

i will teach some one ..
what i know ...what i saw..
what i got ...what i have been through
but some other day..

i will do something
to make them feel good..
make them feel happy..
make them feel proud..
but some other day..

i will fly some day..
to the clouds...
with the wind ...may be
i will feel lighter then ..
but some other day..

i will cut my self ..
and bleed till i am pure..
the pureness about which i am not sure..
but some other day..

I will fight some day
with everyone...
who pretends to be my friends..
but i know who they are ...
pretenders and only pretenders..
i will tell them what they make me feel
i will fight them
but some other day ...

i will search some day..
for what i need...
and what i want ..
but rite now ...i don't know
what i need and what i want ..
but i will search
what i need and what i want ..
but some other day..

Paradoxical Me

When i close my eyes
i see darkness ...plain darkness
when all i want is a star..
when i open my eyes
i see stars ...lots of stars
when all i want is darkness...plain darkness

When i close my eyes
i see thirst ... killing thirst..
when all i want is water..
when i open my eyes
i see water ..lots of waters
when all i want is thirst ....a killing thirst..

when i close my eyes
i see thorns ...
when all i want is a flower...
when i open my eyes
i see flowers lots of flowers
when all i want is a thorn..

When i close my eyes
i see you
when all i want is solitude ... complete solitude
when i open my eyes
i see solitude ... complete solitude..
when all i want is You...only You...

Stupidity...

I eat the milky way..
i killed lucy grey...
i lied to the fairy god mother..
and played poker with the sea otter..
i tricked the giant dragon...
i wrote that weird slogan...
i pushed humpty dumpty off the wall...
i think i might crawl..
out from the dirty tunnel..
to the new century with holding a funnel...
i stole cindrella's crystal shoe...
that was just a taboo..
on all those dirty mice ..
i told them thrice ...
about the great King Lear..
about julius ceaser and about my fear
of drowning in an ink pot..
that was not an statement...
but a scary thought ...
in my dreams i was a beggar ...
who asks for sleep not for alms....
sleep i want sleep i ask
sleep i live sleep i thought...
i am writing this stupidity ...
cause thats my specialty..

Anonymous...

You live far from me and in me too...
this paradoxical presence suits me too...

I Walk Once Again...

With clouds in my eyes
i walk once again...
to the land far away..
where i can bury my dreams...
or hide them for a while...
so i can walk again..
easily...
won't happen won't happen
it won't happen again ...
i said to myself thousand times..
but time, it never stops ...and i saw the results...
no crying no crying
no crying now, i said to myself...
but they never stop...
the tears ...
stand up...stand up
stand up once again, i said to myself ...
for you have to live...
even if it is without a reason..
reasons ...huh?
reasons ....i have thousand reasons to die...
won't die ...won't die
won't die i said to myself ...
i will walk to the land far away ..
with clouds in my eyes..
i walk once again..

incomplete post

Melancholic shadows of the foggy nights...
came from somewhere beneath the earth..
tiny branches of old trees ..
and roots of countless seas...
standing in the middle of woods..
watching them playing with stars..
thinking about a lost moon...
some lost leaves, some lost spirits..
endless evenings and stagnant clocks...
frozen mountains broken boats...
dust books and old paint brushes..
lots of friendships and teenage crushes..
lost diaries and forgotten blogs...
unknown realities and known shocks..
incomplete lives and incomplete posts...